Alcohol is as part of our culture as is goat cheese. But unlike good goat cheese, which is disappearing along with the goats, alcohol consumption seems to be constantly increasing. The Maltese are practically surrounded by bars, band clubs, football clubs, hobbies clubs, and what not, all selling alcohol mostly to anyone, irrespective of the existent non-reinforced laws. No one seems to understand the dangers involved and no one really can unless one experiences alcoholism and the devastating impact it can have on oneself and one’s family.
I don’t really want to go into the debate of whether alcoholism is a disease or a choice. No research seems to be conclusive on the matter and I wonder if it will ever be. What interests me though is that alcohol, like other drugs, is involved in the collective escapade from everyday life, a social phenomenon related to increasing individualism and isolation. The drink after work and the week-end boozing are classical example of this.
It is not rare that alcohol afflicted families seek space to discuss the problem. Often it’s the men in the family who drink to abusive proportions. However, women drink roughly as much wine as men do, drink more spirits than men do, but are outnumbered by men when it comes to beer drinking. Yet still men remain somehow more prone to drink to problem proportions.
The impact problem drinking has on family life varies greatly and depends on many variables one of which is the amount and type of disruption the drinking has on the drinking person himself. For example some drinkers become violent while others tend to withdraw under the influence of alcohol.
Withdrawal tends to leave the other partner feeling helpless, lonely, over responsible, over burdened, and eventually frustrated and angry. The children of a withdrawn problem drinking father tend to feel their father is unreachable and disinterested as he fails to show interest in their activities and lives. His apparent disinterest in family life makes him feel guilty and shameful and eventually he starts to shy away from home even when sober, usually at the bar or club. This obviously reinforces the cycle of drinking.
Violence generates a lot of fear and breeds a great sense of insecurity in the whole family. The violent person represents the pinnacle of insecurity which the person feels in relation to those around him. Men often feel that violence is the instrument with which they can maintain their privileged position. While problem drinking women often resort to violence as a sign of helplessness and frustration. The partner of a violent drinker often withdraws in avoidance conditioned by the need to keep the peace and to avoid violence. Children of a violent parent often grow insecure about life in general. Boys of a problem drinking father are likely imitate the violence and soon treat their mothers or female siblings violently. The violence inflicted family often lives in the terror of precipitating disaster.
Along violence or withdrawal, or both, problem drinking often shatters the marital relationship. As the drinking becomes increasingly important for the drinker the non-drinking partner often learns to feel better away from the drinking partner. This creates emotional distance between the partners that is often irrecoverable unless change is sought and alcohol stopped. Having sex with a drunken partner is often described as horrible and possibly abusive and only ‘performed’ to avoid creating further problems. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol itself inhibits one’s sex drive and often leads the problem drinking partner to have an increasingly unsatisfactory sex life. Nowadays, more and more women are finding it unbearable to continue living with a problem drinking husband, especially if he is abusive and violent.
In many situations problem drinking is associated with financial hardship as the drinking partner is more likely to be smoking and spending money on alcohol and cigarettes. This may deprive the family from living a satisfactory standard of living. Deprivation can be wider than that though as problem drinking causes children to worry about their drinking parent’s health, or the violence at home, thus depriving them from the attention they need to follow on school and home work. Educational attainment can really be hampered in children of problem drinkers.
There is a social cost to problem drinking too, and the associated smoking. Health services are inundated with cases related to problem drinking. Liver problems and cardiovascular diseases are the primary two suffering systems. But alcohol affects other organs too. This costs a lot of tax money to treat. Some countries have been thinking about excluding alcohol and smoking related problems from the list of free services if the person involved drinks and smokes. And it makes sense if one considers that non-drinking and non-smoking tax payers are paying for the services of those who are inflicting physical problems on themselves.
Alcohol related treatment can be very taxing. Avoid treatments that don’t involve the family as they tend to be less effective and long lasting. Successful treatment often requires radical changes in the family dynamics and the relationship dynamics between the partners. Problem drinking persons often have to resort to radical life-style changes as well. Several are the local services that offer help and support and these vary between self help groups, residential therapeutic settings, day services, and so on. Group treatment is often more successful than individual treatment but a combination of Group, individual, and family therapy, seem to provide the best results. Serious problem drinkers have to avoid falling into the trap of thinking that they can do it on their own without professional help. In certain circumstances one partner thinks that the other has a drinking problem. Even if you don’t think you have a problem, consulting with a professional often helps in clarifying the differing ideas.
One last point is a bout the law prohibiting children under 16 from buying and consuming alcohol. Have any of those who make the laws ever see statistics? Do they visit places like Paceville were very young children gather to literally booze and binge drink? Can they take the laws they themselves designed a passed through parliament seriously as until now they’re simply a joke.
Charlie Azzopardi
azzopardi.charlie@gmail.com
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