Relationships are never simple. Their default complexity relies on the intricacies of human psychology, in which the boundaries of time often collapse; The past becomes the present and the present the past. One’s childhood experiences are often re-enacted in adulthood, in other intimate adult relationships. All this beyond conscious knowledge of course, without us thinking about it. In particular, the attachment style and attachment patterns with which we learned to relate to our primary carers as children remain particularly powerful in later adult intimate relationships.
Attachment refers to that strong affectional bond that one person forms with another special person. A bond that binds them together in space and endures over time. It involves special patterns of relating and particular ways of expressing oneself; patterns of communication, of involvement and relating. These special ties influence our psychological development and are vital to healthy development of emotions, cognitions, and behaviours.
Such attachment bond probably starts before birth. The bonds we develop with our primary carers in the first few years of life determine our identity, our sense of self. Early attachment experiences have a decisive impact on how the brain develops and is wired. Mental and psychological health become primary concerns when such bonding doesn’t take place or happens in a disrupted manner. In fact, all the research on attachment took off due to John Bowlby’s concern with the question “why does maternal deprivation have such a potent effect on subsequent personality development?” What we nowadays call attachment disorders are strongly linked with personality disorders.
The implications of such theories are many. Particularly when we come to separate children from their parents for various reasons including to enable both parents to go to work, rather than encourage childrearing by the parents. Attachment research and theory seems to suggest that the earlier the separation the more disrupted the child’s development can be.
Now the trend is for both fathers and mothers to go out and work. Because like many other things this is only a trend. This is based on economy based politics rather than on family based values. Our government tends to push towards meeting EU statistics of working women without any consideration of the consequences. Yet, such decisions will have consequences eventually. Parenting is becoming increasingly institutionalized. Starting school at 5 years is rather timely for most children. Attending childcare centres at age one is rather untimely and affects the child’s attachment development. Parents are being increasingly de-parentalized and most feel confused as what to discipline they can legally practice with their children. Confusing ideas about what constitutes child abuse are eroding effective parenting away.
No wonder then that increasingly parents feel they are losing control over their children. If on the one hand the state dictates parenting practices and on the other hand takes the children away from their families at younger and younger ages, then who is the parent? Haven’t politicians realized that the more institutionalized parenting has become in the last years, the more problems young people are having? Can we interested parties at least be enabled to research the area more thoroughly before implementing such programmes? Just because they suit the economy doesn’t mean it’s good for us and for our children.
The consequences of earlier separation from parents are already visible in our society and involve increased mental health problems in children and young adults, increased drug and alcohol misuse, increased relationship problems, increased behavioural problems in children and young adults, etc. Early separation from parents doesn’t have the benefit of earlier socialization of children with other children. The pre-requisite of an effective socialization is the child’s experience of a safe and secure base in relation to one’s parents. Mary Ainsworth’s research has confirmed this. The lack of a good bond with one’s parents means that children grow up feeling insecure in many different ways.
Adult attachment research is also strongly indicating that most marital problems are the result of unresolved attachment issues that developed during childhood. The way people experience the bond of an intimate relationship is based on the experience of the original bond with the primary caregivers in childhood. If the child did not attach securely with one’s parents he or she will find it difficult to develop a healthy attachment with an intimate other during adulthood. This is one of the strongest features of personality disorder too.
The idea that childcares in child care centres may provide children with the opportunity of multiple attachments is quite untrue, especially with very young children and babies. Babies and young children need their parents as a constant in their lives. They need to secure themselves. Research on children in care has highlighted the difficulties such children eventually experience later in adulthood.
The point remains that we need to learn to do what’s right in the long term, rather than quick fixes that solve the problem in the short term. Opening child care centres catering for babies and children is only an immediate measure that fulfils the need to meet current EU statistics. The consequences need to be seriously studied and researched as they will probably involve higher statistics in crime, drug and alcohol abuse, mental disorder particularly personality problems, and more. What is now being presented as an opportunity will turn out to be regret in the future. Our Children will hate us for it.
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